he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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