he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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