I think my vagina is haunted
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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