I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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