i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
