Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
