Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
