Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i think i just lost a toe
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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