just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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