girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think a kid would responsible me up
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
