I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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