I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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