I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i came on her dog
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
