this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
