wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
