I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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