a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
