I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
