Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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