Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
