I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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