Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
it was like eating out sand paper
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
