I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
