operation have a gay friend backfired
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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