What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
