I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
