fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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