I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
