is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
