I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
