hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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