Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
