She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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