Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
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