She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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