i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
