it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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