I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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