Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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