lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We are two peas in an std pod
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
