i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
