fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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