And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
