My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
