You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
