girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
God I need to hump something, right now.
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