He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
