I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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