He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
