TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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